My child won't do anything! 7 ways to spark motivation

"Can you please pick up your room?" Thirty minutes later..."um, excuse me sir, I thought I asked you to clean up your room? Please get started." Two hours later after checking on said child, "What? You were supposed to clean up this room hours ago? Get to work young man!!" Now you're fuming mad because you feel like this child just ignores you. And let's face it, this is only one of those times. There are shoes left by the door, toys scattered in the playroom, dishes left on the table, candy wrappers left on the couch. Not to mention homework wasn't done and when was the last time your child cared to read anything by himself? The list could go on, right? And you just feel depleted because you only have so much energy during the day to complete your daily duties. Now you've got someone else's stuff to pick up and you've got to somehow get your child to do his assignments, which will be a nightmare. You throw your hands up and wonder how it's going to happen.

Let me start by saying that the universe was not created in a day, and if God himself needed to break it down, so do we, especially since we are simply human! I was recently listening to a podcast in which the interviewee quoted my new favorite way of looking at tackling anything. He said, "inch by inch is a cinch, yard by yard, is too hard." How true is that!? I just loved that and it really resonated with me. If you have ever read anything about organizing or cleaning your house, or just doing any sort of project, if you don't break it down into chunks, then more than likely you throw up your hands and say, "I'm done." This is perfect advice for goal-setting as well. Want to lost weight? Exercise more? Aim small to get a bigger result in the end. Plus you need to be specific. But before I make anymore suggestions, let's put this together in a list, because I love lists and it's easier to read.

1. Identify what it is you want done. Let's use the example of getting your child to clean the bedroom. What do you want cleaned? Does the bed need made? Are there clothes on the floor? Clean clothes need put away? Or are you talking about actual cleaning such as dusting, vacuuming, and throwing away trash? To a kid, you need to be specific or it can be confusing as to what your expectations are.

2. Start small. Don't overwhelm your child by asking for too much. For the examples in number 1, I would suggest asking for 1-2 things for a younger child and 3-5 for an older child.

3. Make it visual. My older children do very well with a checklist. I usually use a whiteboard and hand it to them. There is something satisfying about crossing off your list! Of course, you can use sticky notes or just plain old paper.

4. Offer to help or suggest teamwork. I do this a lot for the younger ones, even my 7 year old. They learn the best from us anyway, so why not work a long side them? Oftentimes it just helps to get them started this way and then back off a bit and see them go. You can even suggest having them help you with something and then you can help with their task.

5. Choose the right time. It is best to talk to your child about this when they are not already busy with something else. A reminder about picking up toys before they start playing is important. This might even be the night before, saying, "Tomorrow I would like you to do 'x.'" This gives kids a heads up and you can do the visual or even allow for questions.

6. Celebrate small successes. Whatever your child has done, give some attention to it. You can say something such as, "Hey, I see you put your socks away. Great job, now let's work on the shirts. Which drawer do they go in?" Try not to follow up with any sarcastic or negative remarks which will minimize their efforts up until this point. Like us, kids do best with encouragement!

7. Offer an incentive when they are done. After they have completed X, they can have Y. This can be simple, such as, "Once you are done with your homework, then you can play your video game," or "once you have done your chore, then we can play outside."

Every child is different, so some of these strategies may work better than others. You may find that one really helps but another doesn't. Some of you may be feeling completely discouraged, frustrated, or helpless and are ready to give up. Remember to set your expectations low when feeling this way. Children are highly capable and love to feel a sense of accomplishment as do we. It may take some time to sit back and evaluate the situation. Maybe your child is struggling with something and that is the reason he or she is unmotivated at this time. I would encourage you to try to refrain from labeling him or her as lazy; as this tends to lead them to believe this about themselves. Believe it or not they will attach themselves to that notion and live up to that. Go slow and start small. Once your child has gotten a taste of the accomplishment, feels validated for their efforts (not outcome), you should see more motivation.

I hope these ideas have given you some new strategies to put in your parenting toolbox. If you have a more specific question, would like to know more or would just like to discuss your situation more in depth, please feel free to contact me! I would love to help your personally if needed.

Take care and I look forward to seeing you back here soon!